So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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