He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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