we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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