i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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