my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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