So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
