you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
