sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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