Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
