you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
