Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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