My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
