We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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