We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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