it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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