i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
