good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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