What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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