overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
