she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
