Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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