this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
