The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
