I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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