girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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