There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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