Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
