Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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