dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
