at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
