no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
