i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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