if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
