is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
