You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
