she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
