Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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