I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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