AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
