Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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