When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
