There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
either way he was missing a nipple.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
