just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
