A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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