This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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