3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
