you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
