I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
