I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
