Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
