I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
