I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
