I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
